By Colin Wright - Uspire Chair
A passionate coach and mentor, Colin has a belief that knowledge and experience should be shared to enhance the lives and success of others.
Colin is a former Managing Director of Vodafone, Caudwell Group, Greencore and Hazelwood Foods.
“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.”
Mahatma Ghandi
I. The Power of Productive Tension
Conflict has become an unavoidable undercurrent in today’s business environment. Whether you’re scaling a start-up, leading a boardroom discussion, managing a hybrid team, or navigating a market disrupted by technology and activism, tension is everywhere. Yet while many leaders instinctively avoid conflict, fearing fractured relationships, stalled decisions, or reputational risk, those who thrive have learned a vital truth, conflict, when engaged constructively, is one of the most potent tools for growth.
This is not about putting a positive spin on office politics or pretending culture clashes don’t exist. It’s about embracing the fact that conflict is information. It reveals competing priorities, unspoken fears, values in collision, and weaknesses in systems. Managed well, it sharpens strategy, clarifies decision-making, and aligns people behind what matters most.
This Uspire Network thought piece is a deep exploration of conflict as a strategic force in leadership, organisational development, market positioning, negotiation, and culture. It draws on ancient philosophy, modern neuroscience, crisis negotiation tactics, and the wisdom of leaders who’ve learned how to turn conflict into fuel. In this document, we will unpack why conflict arises, how it escalates, and most importantly, how to manage it in ways that create clarity, not chaos.
At the core is a mindset shift. The question isn’t, “how do I avoid conflict?”, it’s “how do I design for it?” From structured disagreement in leadership teams, to the fierce competition on Amazon marketplaces, to mergers that test trust and identity, conflict is baked into the world of business. It’s not just about external conflict, leaders must also learn to navigate inner conflict which is the constant tug between long-term vision and short-term demands, between certainty and curiosity, between ego, humility, authenticity and empathy.
We will also address the darker side of modern conflict, how social media amplifies division, rewards outrage, and undermines trust in ways that force brands and leaders to play on hostile terrain and explore how timeless principles from Chinese and Greek philosophy offer alternative lenses to view and resolve tension, through balance, strategy, and moral leadership.
Ultimately, the ability to manage conflict isn’t just a soft skill or a crisis tactic. It’s a strategic advantage. Leaders who master it don’t just survive tension, they use it to build stronger teams, clearer strategy, deeper relationships, and more resilient businesses.
The goal of this piece is simple, to provoke, energise and transform your view of conflict from something to suppress, to something to structure. Let’s begin by understanding why conflict shows up in every system and how to harness it for good.
II. Understanding Conflict - Where It Comes From and Why It Matters
Conflict in business doesn’t happen by accident. It emerges from overlapping systems of people, power, ideas, and incentives. It arises from three primary arenas - resources, relationships, and roles.
1. The Roots of Workplace Conflict
- Resource tension: Limited time, budget, or bandwidth often pit departments or individuals against each other.
- Strategic misalignment: Differing views on what matters most lead to competing priorities.
- Cultural differences: As companies grow or merge, varied ways of working create friction.
- Power struggles: Informal authority or role ambiguity causes breakdowns in trust.
Perhaps most crucially, conflict also arises from our internal posture toward others. As, ‘The Anatomy of Peace’, explains, conflict begins long before harsh words are exchanged, it begins when we see others as objects rather than as people.
2. A Heart at War vs. A Heart at Peace
In The Anatomy of Peace, the Arbinger Institute describes two ways of being:-
- A heart at war sees others as obstacles or threats. It justifies blame, clings to righteousness, and perpetuates tension.
- A heart at peace sees others as human, flawed, emotional, but worthy of empathy and connection.
This distinction matters. Leaders who operate from a heart at war escalate conflict, even unintentionally. Those who choose peace create room for challenge without collapse.
“Out beyond ideas of what’s wrong and what’s right, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”
Rumi
3. The Cost of Avoidance
Avoiding conflict may preserve short-term harmony, but the long-term costs are steep:-
- Delayed decisions
- Toxic undercurrents
- Eroded trust
- Disengaged talent
When leaders don’t surface tension, it doesn’t disappear, it metastasizes. The most effective organisations design systems where disagreement is welcome, not punished.
III. Conflict in Leadership and Teams
"It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognise, accept, and celebrate those differences.”
Audre Lorde
1. Leading Through Tension
Leadership is inherently about making choices and choice breeds disagreement. When leaders avoid tension to keep the peace, they sacrifice clarity and momentum.
Amanda Ripley’s, High Conflict, distinguishes “good conflict” (productive debate) from “high conflict”(us-vs-them warfare). Good conflict leads to stronger ideas. High conflict leads to dysfunction.
To lead through tension:-
- Normalise dissent in your culture.
- Separate issues from identity.
- Facilitate conversations with structure, not bravado.
2. Building Conflict-Resilient Teams
A resilient team is not one that avoids friction, but one that moves through it fast, focused, and intact. That means:-
- Clarity of roles: Ambiguity breeds resentment.
- Psychological safety: People must feel safe to speak hard truths.
- Dispute processes: Create rules of engagement for decision deadlocks.
Conflict should not be the wild west. It should be a process your team understands and trusts.
3. The Cost of “Nice”
In many organisations, politeness is prized over honesty, but “nice” cultures often avoid conflict to the point of dysfunction. Clarity is kinder than vague consensus.
The role of leadership is to foster environments where tension can surface, then be processed constructively.
IV. Conflict and Strategic Decision-Making
1. Conflict as Strategic Discipline
Strategic clarity doesn’t come from brainstorming. It comes from structured debate. If your leadership team isn’t arguing occasionally, you’re either misaligned or disengaged.
Conflict sharpens strategy, it forces trade-offs, forces focus and forces truth.
2. Sustained Challenge vs. Surface Thinking
Leaders often abandon tough discussions too early. They “agree to disagree,” or defer decisions endlessly.
But great decisions demand staying in the tension, long enough to explore root causes, test assumptions, and hear real fears.
Creating this discipline requires:-
- Scheduled strategic deep dives.
- A bias toward asking rather than telling.
- Leaders who model curiosity over certainty.
3. Managing Inner Conflict
Strategic leadership also means resolving your own inner conflict:-
- Long-term vs. short-term.
- Ambition vs. sustainability.
- Courage vs. caution.
Being aware of your own values and contradictions helps you navigate external tension with clarity and grace.
V. Conflict in Negotiation and External Relationships
“Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional.”
Max Lucado
1. Tactical Empathy: Lessons from Hostage Negotiation
Chris Voss, former FBI negotiator and author of, Never Split the Difference, flips traditional negotiation wisdom. Instead of pushing logic, he leans into emotion, using empathy to unlock information and trust.
Key tools include:-
- Mirroring: Repeat a few key words to encourage elaboration.
- Labelling: “It sounds like you’re feeling…” to defuse emotion.
- Calibrated Questions: “How would that work?” to steer conversation without pressure.
These techniques build trust while surfacing hidden objections, an essential skill for leaders, sellers, and partners.
2. The Defend-Attack Spiral
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”
Albert Einstein
The ‘Defend-Attack Spiral’, is a destructive, damaging pattern of conflict where one party perceives a threat or criticism (real or imagined), reacts defensively, and in doing so, escalates the tension by counterattacking or withdrawing. The other party then perceives this defensive reaction as an attack and responds in kind, creating a self-perpetuating cycle of hostility, misinterpretation, and increasing conflict. This cycle can occur in personal relationships, business negotiations, and organisational disputes. It can without realising breakdown board relationships and SLT if it manifests in two individuals it damages the entire dynamic.
For example, in a business setting, if one party criticises another’s decision, the criticised party may feel defensive and respond with a countercriticism. Instead of resolving the issue, this escalates into a broader conflict where both parties feel increasingly justified in their negative perceptions of each other.
Essential leadership Strategies to Avoid the Defend-Attack Spiral
“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”
William James
1. Cultivate Curiosity Instead of Reactivity
- Instead of assuming bad intent, ask questions like, “What led you to that perspective?” or “Can you help me understand why this is important to you?”
- Shifting from defensive thinking to curiosity prevents knee-jerk reactions.
2. Acknowledge & Validate Emotions Early
- Before responding, recognise the other person’s emotions, “I can see this is frustrating for you.”
- Validation doesn’t mean agreement but helps the other person feel heard, reducing the need for further escalation.
3. Slow Down & Create Space
- Take a pause before responding to an accusation or challenge.
- Use phrases like, “Let me think about that before I respond” to avoid reflexive defensiveness.
4. Use ‘I’ Statements Instead of Blame
- Replace, “You’re wrong about this” with “I see it differently because…”
- Avoid triggering defensiveness in others by framing statements as personal perspectives rather than absolute truths.
5. Separate the Person from the Issue
- Focus on the problem, not the person.
- Instead of ,“You always dismiss my ideas”, say “I feel like my ideas aren’t being considered, and I’d like to understand why.”
- This prevents personal attacks that fuel the spiral.
Five Methods to Extract Yourself from an Escalating Spiral
1. De-Escalate with a ‘Pattern Interrupt’
Change the dynamic by introducing an unexpected element:-
- Use humour (if appropriate).
- Shift the conversation to a shared goal, “I think we both want a good outcome, how do we get there?”
- Take a short break,“I need a moment to gather my thoughts.”
2. Acknowledge the Escalation & Reset the Conversation
Call out the pattern neutrally:-
- “I feel like we’re getting caught up in defending our positions rather than solving the issue. Can we start fresh?”
- This allows both parties to step back without ‘losing face.’
3. Change the Communication Medium
- If a discussion is spiralling out of control in person, suggest moving to a written format (email, shared document).
- If online, suggest a voice or face-to-face conversation to reduce misinterpretation.
4. Seek a Third-Party Perspective
- Bring in a neutral mediator or trusted colleague to offer a fresh viewpoint and break the cycle of mutual defensiveness.
- Sometimes, hearing an unbiased voice helps de-personalise the conflict.
5. Exit Gracefully & Revisit Later
If the spiral is too heated, disengage without fuelling it further:-
- “I don’t think we’re making progress right now. Let’s take a break and come back to this later.”
- Time apart can help emotions settle, making rational discussion possible later.
By recognising and interrupting the defend-attack spiral early, you can prevent conflicts from becoming entrenched battles and keep interactions productive and solutions-focused.
3. Negotiating from a Heart at Peace
The best negotiators don’t manipulate, they humanise. They get curious about the other side’s world and in doing so, reshape the conversation.
Negotiation, done well, is not about winning. It’s about creating agreements that last.
VI. Conflict in Market Competition and Customer Strategy
1. Competitive Tension in Crowded Markets
In consumer-facing businesses, especially in commoditised or rapidly evolving sectors, conflict manifests as constant pressure for example price wars, brand differentiation, shifting consumer values.
Take my experience of the reusable nappy industry. Brands are caught between:-
- Price vs. Purpose – Consumers want sustainability but often buy on price.
- Design vs. Functionality – Aesthetic-led consumers want beautiful products that also perform.
- D2C vs. Marketplace Tensions – Brands selling on Amazon face eroded margins and visibility challenges.
These are not problems to be eliminated. They are tensions to be managed, through strategy.
2. The Strategic Use of Brand Narrative
Conflict can become a strategic asset in positioning. A brand like Patagonia doesn’t try to please everyone. It leans into values, knowing it will alienate some in order to deeply resonate with others.
The same applies to challenger brands in saturated markets:-
- Tell a clear, conflict-rooted story, what do you stand against?
- Use conflict as a mirror, what status quo are you here to disrupt?
- Educate through contrast, why is your way different, and better?
In conflict, clarity emerges. And clarity builds loyalty.
3. Navigating Platform Conflict
Amazon offers reach, but it brings brutal transparency and relentless comparison. To survive:-
- Optimise listings like battlegrounds: image, copy, reviews.
- Price strategically, not reactively, race-to-the-bottom is a trap.
- Build off-platform communities (email, social, owned media) to reclaim brand control.
This is conflict with algorithms, not just competitors. Winning requires data, speed, and differentiation.
VII. Conflict in Organisational Integration and Partnerships
1. The Inevitable Friction of M&A and Alliances
When two companies merge, conflict is built in. Even when values align, questions emerge:-
- Whose systems win?
- Who leads what?
- Do we merge brands or keep them separate?
If left unaddressed, these conflicts fester. If tackled head-on, with empathy and structure, they accelerate integration.
2. Models That Help: Furlong and Liddle
Gary Furlong’s Conflict Toolbox offers lenses for understanding organisational conflict:-
- Data Conflict – Different interpretations of market or internal metrics.
- Structural Conflict – Confusion over roles or power.
- Values Conflict – Clash of philosophies or cultures.
David Liddle, in ‘Managing Conflict’, adds practical tools:-
He introduces the FAIR Model as a structured method for resolving workplace disputes:-
F – Facts: Gather objective information to understand the conflict.
A – Analysis: Identify the root causes and perspectives of each party.
I – Impact: Assess the emotional, operational, and financial consequences.
R – Resolution: Develop and implement a mutually acceptable solution.
This model provides HR professionals and leaders with a step-by-step guide to resolving conflicts fairly and effectively.
Both frameworks emphasise that structure enables resolution. Integration should be choreographed, not improvised.
3. Partnership Conflict: The Hidden Risk
Strategic alliances often fail because expectations go unspoken. Avoid this by:-
- Defining mutual success up front.
- Creating dashboards and feedback loops.
- Agreeing on how conflict will be handled, embrace collaboration, flexibility and interchangeability, not just a focus on what the plan is!
Trust is not the absence of conflict. It’s the ability to survive it together.
VIII. The Modern Conflict Amplifier: Social Media
1. The Outrage Engine
Social media platforms thrive on emotional engagement, particularly outrage. Anger travels faster than nuance. Controversy gets more likes than compromise.
The result? A world where:-
- Complex topics are reduced to binary choices.
- Brands and leaders are pressured to take stands, sometimes prematurely.
- Every mistake risks becoming viral.
2. The Erosion of Trust
Misinformation spreads fast, particularly when it aligns with existing fears. Trust in institutions, including businesses, is declining as platforms distort what’s real.
One false review or viral misinterpretation can cost millions. Conflict now plays out in public, at scale, in real time.
To lead here:-
- Build digital resilience, rapid response plans, social listening, internal alignment.
- Avoid performative leadership, say what you mean, and back it with action.
- Don’t chase every trend, focus on long-term brand consistency.
3. Cancel Culture and the Risk to Culture
“Cancel culture” punishes mistakes without space for redemption. For leaders, it creates fear of speaking and for employees, fear of being misunderstood.
This climate of digital hyper-sensitivity leads to:-
- Shallow communication.
- Defensive decision-making.
- Avoidance of necessary debates.
Leaders must create internal cultures where people can learn, not just survive. Online, be human, transparent, responsive, but not reactive.
Now for the “soap box” moment…..
The Need for Regulation and Ethical Design
The increase in social media platforms has undeniably escalated conflict in society and business. Through polarisation, the incentivisation of outrage, the erosion of trust, and algorithmic distortions of reality, social media has created an environment where disputes are intensified rather than resolved.
To mitigate these issues, regulatory frameworks must be implemented to hold platforms accountable for their role in amplifying harmful content. Governments and technology companies must collaborate to create ethical algorithms that prioritise accuracy and constructive discourse over engagement-driven conflict. Additionally, digital literacy programs should be widely adopted to equip individuals with the skills to critically evaluate online information and resist manipulation.
Social media has the potential to be a force for good, but without meaningful intervention, it will continue to be a catalyst for division and conflict, both in society and in the business world.
“Soap box” ended!
IX. Conflict Through Global and Philosophical Lenses
1. Chinese Philosophy: Harmony Through Strategy
Daoism, Confucianism, and Sun Tzu offer profound insights on conflict:-
- Dao (道): Seek flow, not force. Conflict is a signal that something is out of balance.
- Wu Wei (无为): Non-reactive leadership is like water, flexible yet powerful.
- Sun Tzu: “Win without fighting.” Strategic patience and perception over brute strength.
Chinese tradition values transformation over domination. Conflict is not to be avoided but transcended.
Application in Business and Leadership
- Negotiation: Use patience, subtlety, and long-term strategy rather than direct pressure.
- Leadership: Cultivate trust and respect, resolving disputes with moral authority.
- Competition: Think beyond immediate gains, position yourself advantageously for the future.
Chinese wisdom treats conflict as a fluid, dynamic force rather than a fixed battle. The focus is always on adaptability, long-term harmony, and strategic resolution rather than brute-force victory.
2. Greek Philosophy: Conflict as a Human Condition
Heraclitus believed “conflict is the father of all things”. Plato saw inner conflict between reason and desire as central to human struggle. Aristotle viewed political conflict as rooted in inequality.
Aristotle (384–322 BCE) took a more pragmatic approach, seeing conflict as rooted in politics and economics. In Politics, he argued that disputes arise from inequalities in wealth, status, and power. Is this not a language we call DE&I today?? He identified stasis as a major threat to political stability, often caused by:-
- Economic inequality: When wealth is concentrated in the hands of a few, resentment builds among others.
- Disputes over justice: People have different conceptions of what is fair, some emphasise equality, while others favour merit-based hierarchies.
- Competing interests: Different social groups have conflicting priorities or cultural differences.
Aristotle believed that a mixed government, blending democracy, oligarchy, and monarchy, was the best way to manage these conflicts and create stability.
Their Greek wisdom reminds us:-
- Conflict is inevitable.
- But when properly understood, it can lead to progress, insight, and renewal.
- Both traditions teach that clarity, virtue, and self-mastery are prerequisites for managing external tension.
X. Conclusion: The Leader as Conflict Architect
“Where there is discord, may we bring harmony.”
St. Francis of Assisi, quoted by Margaret Thatcher on the steps of Number 10 Downing Street
The best leaders are not peacemakers in the traditional sense. They are conflict architects carefully designing systems where tension can emerge, be addressed, and fuel progress.
Conflict cannot be eliminated. But it can be:-
- Anticipated
- Structured
- Channelled
This requires courage, to go deeper rather than move faster. To let the difficult conversation happen. To hold space for productive tension instead of rushing to false harmony.
It also requires skill:-
- The listening skills of a negotiator.
- The systems thinking of a strategist.
- The empathy of a coach.
And it requires inner work, staying in the zone of integrity, grounded in values, curious rather than defensive.
So what do you do, practically?
- Teach your team how to disagree.
- Embed conflict resolution into leadership training, not HR policy.
- Make room in meetings for dissent and not just consensus.
- Track strategic drift rather not just KPIs.
- Practice your own peace-first mindset before asking others to resolve theirs.
- Above all, stop fearing conflict, start designing for it.
Because when you stop treating conflict as a fire to put out and instead see it as energy to be directed, you become one of the finest commercial leaders that businesses, teams, and societies need now more than ever.
The Finest leader does not shy away from conflict, they engage with it thoughtfully, seeking resolution through deep understanding. True harmony during conflict cannot be imposed; it emerges from empathy and insight. When faced with difficulty, we have a choice: to transform the challenge or to transform ourselves. Conflict is not a sign of failure but a call to grow, an invitation to strengthen the human spirit. In its midst, true intelligence and leadership capability reveals itself because it embraces the capacity to hold opposing ideas in tension without losing clarity, composure, or purpose.
“Maturity in leadership is learning how to disagree with someone without making them an enemy.”